What’s this all about?
In 2013, someone at Dreamworks decided that we needed another CGI-animated kids’ movie with a star studded cast of adult actors providing the voices. So, they rounded up Nick Cage, Emma Stone, Cloris Leachman, “Trish” from The 40-Year-Old Virgin, and “Fart” from “The Office,” and pumped out The Croods.
I still don’t understand why they make these movies, or, more accurately, why they cast them this way. I know that when I was a kid, and my shows “guest starred” Jerry Reed or Phillis Diller, I just wondered who these old weirdos were. I have to assume that 2013’s ten-year-olds felt the same way about “Fart,” but I’m projecting, here.
Anyway, The Croods is the story of a family of cavemen (maybe meant to be Neanderthals?) who live a terrifying life of near death and almost-constant darkness. They hate this, but they like it better than death. Some sort of cataclysm sweeps the Earth, and they are forced out of the relative safety of their cave.
With the help of a stranger (presumably meant to be a Cro-Magnon) they learn to overcome their fear of leaving the cave, and flee to a new home. Hijinks ensue. There are mercifully few fart jokes.
Who is Nick in this one?
Nick plays “Grug,” the caveman father. He’s either worried or angry all the time. He’s created a bunch of rules for his family that all amount to “don’t do anything, because it will get you killed.” Nobody pays any attention to his rules. He’s fine.
Who else is in this one?
As mentioned, this is a star-studded neo cartoon.
Emma Stone (Zombieland) plays “Eep,” Nick’s adventurous daughter.
Catherine Keener (“Trish” from The 40-Year-Old Virgin) plays “Ugga,” Nick’s wife. She has basically no personality.
Ryan Reynolds (The smug bastard from PCU and everything else) plays “Guy,” a different sort of primitive person who can make fire. He’s so bland that the writers named him “Guy,” while all of the other characters got guttural caveman names.
Cloris Leachman (Young Frankenstein) plays “Gran,” the shrill harpy grandmother. Cloris Leachman was a genuinely funny lady who played this same role almost non-stop from 1977 until her death. I wonder if she regretted not spending more time with her family.
Clark Duke (“Fart” from a later season of The Office) played “Thunk,” Nick’s dimwitted son. He read his lines like it was his first time seeing them.
There was also a baby in the film, but the character mattered so little that the voice actor soesn’t seem to be credited.
Did you see that?
The world of The Croods is populated with deadly prehistoric animals. For some reason, the creators decided to make most of these creatures nonsensical Dr. Seuss knockoffs. We see birds with horns like a goat. There is a mouse species in which two individuals are joined at the tail. Another strange bird species features a turtle shell.
I could go on all day with examples of creatures that simply can’t exist, but I’ll spare you. I can’t help wondering why the creators didn’t use actual prehistoric animals. There were plenty of cool ones, and we all know that kids love prehistoric animals, and then there could have been something educational in this flick.
Similarly, it’s wildly unclear what the Earth-destroying cataclysm that is the catalyst for all actual action in the film is meant to be. It’s briefly hinted that it may be continental drift, but we see entire continents literally consumed by lava. I’m pretty sure that didn’t happen.
Now that I think of it, I’m not entirely certain that this story even takes place on Earth. Why is the world building so sloppy in this story? -Michael
I know it’s a cartoon, but they run around like it’s American Ninja Warrior. Who ever designed this LOVED parkour. – Sarah
What were Nick’s best parts?
There’s a scene in which Nick and Guy are trying to lure in some sort of tiger using a crude puppet made to look like a “sexy version” of a female tiger. Guy is failing at this, using the sticks that control the puppet. Nick says, “hand me those acting sticks” and takes over the puppet. He then delivers an over-the-top Looney Tunes-style seduction.
It was genuinely funny, and one of the few scenes in which Nick showed some energy. -Michael
I loved the scene where Nick was pitching a bunch of I deas that he said were coming from his stomach. It was hilarious and well delivered. – Sarah
What were Nick’s worst parts?
Towards the end of the film, Nick has to toss his family members into a foggy void, without being able to see what’s on the other side. They face certain death if he does not do this, and Nick won’t be able to follow. He gives a speech to his family that’s meant to be both an encouragement to continue, and a farewell. It’s delivered very flatly, and almost seemed like Nick begrudged having to deliver the lines. It was a poor performance at a pivotal point in the story. -Michael
I think Nick’s worst scene was the very first one. He came out screaming to greet the day. It was your typical over the top, no real motivation to be that intense Nick scream. – Sarah
How was the movie?
I was born in the 70’s. The kids’ movies that I grew up with came in two flavors; those with an objective lesson that we were meant to learn, in which we see the characters learn and grow, and the ones that were 90 minute toy commercials.
Since I’m not aware of a “Croods” toy line, I’m assuming this is meant to be the first type. To be fair, there’s a little bit of a “don’t be afraid of everything” and “push your comfort zone” going on.
However, the main messages seem to be, “your Dad is stupid,” “your Dad’s rules are even more stupid,” “strangers are cool,” and “play with fire; it’s awesome.”
The whole movie just feels like a stack of cheap slapstick jokes, soulless computer animation, and half-hearted performances. There wasn’t anything here that resonated with me, and I have to wonder if children watching this in 2013 ever thought about it again. -Michael
For a kids movie, I think it was good. – Sarah
Yeah, but did you like it?
It was dull and boring, while somehow being unnecessarily loud. Perplexingly, there’s a sequel. -Michael
I liked it. – Sarah
Where can I watch it?
You can rent it on Prime.
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