What’s this all about?
OK, the movie is actually called, Ghost Rider Spirit of Vengeance, but I couldn’t resist the joke.
If you’ve been reading these reviews, you’ll remember 2007’s Ghost Rider, in which the titular spirit cyclist had to fight and defeat the devil’s son, who was trying to capture a thousand souls, for some reason.
In 2011, Ghost Rider returned, but has moved to Europe, probably for tax reasons. No mention is ever made of Ghost Rider’s girlfriend, Eva Mendes, from the first film.
Through a series of misadventures, Ghost Rider finds himself engaged in a battle to help some monks save the devil’s son from being captured by the devil, lest he will provide a new body for the devil. It’s not the same devil’s son as in the first movie. It’s a little kid. I don’t know why the rules around the devil/the devil’s son relationship change so drastically between movies, but they do.
Anyway, Ghost Rider kills just about everybody, and blows up everything. No fun is had. Everything is super serious. Except for a couple of weirdly misplaced scenes.
Who is Nick in this one?
Nick is back as “Johnny Blaze,” a lethargic asshole who rides a motorcycle and transforms into Ghost Rider at unpredictable times. As mentioned, he’s moved to Europe, where he’s living in a dark garage.
Who else is in this one?
Irdris Elba (not James Bond, probably) plays “Moreau,” who is described as a monk throughout the film, except he rides a motorcycle, gets in gun fights, and wears a leather jacket. Irdris Elba is a good actor. We know this. He’s terrible in this.
Anthony Head (Buffy The Vampire Slayer’s librarian, or whatever) plays a monk, and gets killed after one scene.
Christopher Lambert (The Highlander) plays a monk with scripture tattooed all over his face. Man, European monks are weird. Anyway, he gets killed almost immediately.
Did you see that?
In the first scene in which Ghost Rider appears in full flaming skeleton form, he predictably kills about a dozen European gangsters. Two of the gangsters return to their car, and retrieve big, stupid shotguns. The guns in question are full length pump-action shotguns with pistol grips and no stocks. These two have also been outfitted with what appear to be M203 grenade launchers.
This configuration would be almost impossible to control, and have very limited usefulness.
Anyway, they shoot Ghost Rider with the big, stupid shotguns, and he flies several meters backwards, into a car, and the next scene shows Nick waking up in the hospital.
Later in the film, Ghost Rider gets shot directly with two Javelin missiles, and drives over what is described as a “bunker buster” (I don’t think the writers knew what a Bunker Buster is) without even falling off of his motorcycle. Apparently Ghost Rider’s one weakness is big, stupid shotguns. -Michael
There were so many bad special effects, it’s hard to choose one to talk about here, but I will. When he was fighting to not turn yet, he would sometimes get a black spot over an eye that looked like a black hole the size of a softball. I think it was supposed to be an eye socket like a skull has, but they made it way too large in comparison to his face. -Sarah
What were Nick’s best parts?
In one scene, Nick describes Irdris Elba’s character as “a French alcoholic priest; kind of a dick”. It was accurate and funny, so I laughed. That was the closest Nick got to a good scene in this one. -Michael
The scene where the mother was saying that her son is the one and only good thing she had ever done in her whole life. Nick consoled her and said that they better make sure he doesn’t become the antichrist then. The acting was still bad, but he delivered that particular joke in a way that gave me a genuine laugh. -Sarah
What were Nick’s worst parts?
At one point in the film, Nick and his girlfriend (OK, the devil’s son’s Mom) track down a gangster named “Vasili” for reasons that aren’t entirely clear. While threatening this gangster, Nick is attempting to restrain they Ghost Rider from emerging, while explaining the nature of the Ghost Rider.
Nick’s actual lines are gibberish, which he delivers in an alternating screaming vs. whispering manner that we’ve seen so often, but in this case, to convey his attempts to hold the Ghost Rider inside, he also acts like he really has to poop, but is in an important meeting.
It’s awful dialogue delivered terribly. -Michael
This is a hard one to pick due to the huge amount of options. Towards the beginning of them working together, Nick was tellingthe mother that she can’t trust the rider, that he will try to kill her too. She told him that she wasn’t afraid of him and he told her that she should be. -Sarah
How was the movie?
I’ll be honest. This one almost broke me. This is the dumbest, most pointless, half-assed movie we’ve watched in this entire marathon. Let me be clear. There have been some terrible movies in this marathon (and some really good ones) but I’d watch that film where James Franco is the world’s greatest straight male prostitute, or the one where Nick thinks he got leprosy from raping an African girl ten times before I’d watch this again.
It’s mindless, stupid, poorly executed action. Ghost Rider Spirit of Vengeance tries to be lighthearted and wacky, while also being dark, broody, and intense. It accomplishes neither. It accomplishes nothing. -Michael
The movie was bad. -Sarah
Yeah, but did you like it? (Michael/Sarah)
No. It’s awful.-Michael
Nope. – Sarah
Where can I watch it?
It’s on Amazon Prime. Don’t do it.
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