What’s this all about?
Lord of War tells the “true story” of a Ukrainian-American dealer in illegal and quasi-legal arms to foreign governments and forces, as he tries to juggle his adventurous work life with his family. A drug-addicted younger brother, a trophy wife, and a maniacal African warlord all complicate his plan to make a lot of money by selling surplus arms sourced from former Soviet states after the fall of the U.S.S.R.
The producers claim that the film is based on true events, but I think that’s like saying that Pulp Fiction is based on true events because Los Angeles is a real place, and crimes got committed there. At least five individuals were reportedly the “inspiration” for the Yuri Orlav character, but only two of those individuals have been named.
Who is Nick in this one?
Nick plays “Yuri Orlov,” a Ukranian-American arms dealer. His only motivation seems to be profits, and having nice things. He ultimately seems to have no loyalty (or even consideration) for his family, or the impact that his arms sales have on the people of the world.
Who else is in this one?
Jared Leto (Creepy pervert and “Jordan Catalano”) plays Nick’s brother,
“Vitaly.” He develops a nasty cocaine habit early in the film, and spends most of the rest of it doing coke or going to rehab. He also makes a conscientious objection to one of Nick’s sales which promptly gets him murdered. I despise Jared Leto, but he was OK in this.
Ethan Hawke (from the crappy Magnificent Seven remake) plays the improbably-named “Jack Valentine,” an agent with some agency. The UN, maybe? INTERPOL? I don’t know. He’s the cop chasing Nick. He’s terrible in this film. Whenever he appears, he huffs and puffs and preaches about morality, but ultimately accomplishes nothing.
Did you see that?
In one of the film’s earliest scenes, we see a down-trodden Nick watching a woman who appears to be the winner of some sort of pageant, riding in a convertible in a parade.
A voice over tells us that Nick has “worshipped her since [he] was ten years old.”
When Nick was ten years old, the actress in question would have been three.
Does Hollywood really think that we can’t tell how old people are? -Michael
Nick’s secret and portable office was a shipping container sitting in a storage yard. The problem is that there was lights and electricity. How did he pull that off? They should have made it a storage unit, then I might have believed it. -Sarah
What were Nick’s best parts?
Nick hosts his Ukrainian family for Christmas in his extremely fancy NYC apartment. His cokehead brother arrives tweaked to his eyeballs with some trampy-looking woman, presumably unannounced.
Standing next to his father, Nick gives a look that I have 100% seen at my own family gatherings. It’s the look that says, “This shit, again? What are you going to do? It’s family.”
Nick delivered the look perfectly. -Michael
I enjoyed the scenes of Nick selling. The one of him selling to the President of Liberia was great. When the president shot someone that was irritating him with the gun Nick was trying to sell, he yelled at him for making it a used gun to cover for his being shocked and appalled at the shooting. It was brilliantly done. -Sarah
What were Nick’s worst parts?
While in Liberia, Nick does some cocaine mixed with gunpowder at the urging of some locals. This causes him to run off on a manic bender, and gives the actor an excuse to rant, rave, and scream. At one point, a Liberian points an AK-47 (presumably sold by Yuri) at him and pulls the trigger. When the gun fails to fire, Nick apologizes, and attempts to fix the malfunctioning weapon. The whole montage is stupid and screamy, and really doesn’t fit the character’s otherwise stoic persona. -Michael
When Nick started dating his wife, he took her on his rented plane, pretending he was rich enough to own personal jets, and they had their first kiss. It was a horrible and awkward looking kiss. -Sarah
How was the movie?
Lord of War works hard to deliver some message about the evils of the international arms trade, or something. Unfortunately, it tells this story mostly with disjointed scenes of crazy things that happen while Nick sells arms. There’s not really a cohesive story.
It also does the thing that I see so often in modern film and TV. It treats the AK-47 like it’s some sort of mythological death machine. It isn’t. It’s a cheap, easily manufactured rifle which has been reproduced millions of times, and found its way into the hands of many international combatants. It isn’t well-made or particularly “deadly.” It’s the Yugo of military rifles. If Kalashnikov had never designed it, some other cheap rifle would have taken its place. There’s nothing extra-evil about it.
I feel like the whole movie is trying to get me to say, “well this is just awful,” but it’s totally unclear about what “this” is. Is it about guns? War? The arms trade? AK-47s, specifically? Russians? Money? Trophy wives? I honestly don’t know what the specific evil that it wants me to condemn is. IF it was trying to deliver a message (and it was), it failed. -Michael
It wasn’t a bad movie, but wasn’t as good as they hoped it would be while they were making it. -Sarah
Yeah, but did you like it? (Michael/Sarah)
It wasn’t absolutely terrible, but it certainly wasn’t good. -Michael
It’s an okay movie. Go into it with no or low expectations, and it’s an ok flick. Assuming you don’t pay for it. -Sarah
Where can I watch it?
It’s free on PlutoTV. I guess Tubi was sleeping on this one.
Leave a Reply