What’s this all about?
In the year 2000, music video director Dominic Sena brought us Gone in 60 Seconds, a remake of a 1970’s film that no one asked for. It tells the story of a reformed car thief who has to put his crew back together to steal an improbable 50 cars in one night, lest one of the lesser-known Doctors Who smash his asshole brother in a car compactor.
The cops, naturally, are against this.
Who is Nick in this one?
Nick plays “Memphis Raines,” an improbably-named car thief who has moved away from L.A., and reformed himself.
Who else is in this one?
Giovani Riblisi (Scientology cultist) plays “Kip Raines.” He’s Memphis’ petulant and stupid younger brother, who, for some reason, has taken on a contract to steal 50 cars in three days.
Angelina Jolie (Tomb Raider) plays “‘Sway’ Wayland,” a former girlfriend/colleague of Nick’s. Jolie is at her grungiest in this one, sporting blonde dreadlocks, and looking like an advertisement for hepatitis. To be fair, her acting in this is fine.
Delroy Lindo (Sinners) is “Detective Roland Castlebeck,” a tough detective who is fixated on arresting Nick, for some reason. He has a whole team of detectives working under him, which seems odd for a guy who is essentially investigating property crimes. He plays this role exactly like he plays every role he’s ever had, which is, honestly, pretty good.
Timothy Olyphant (Justified) plays “Detective Drycoff,” a junior detective working with Castlebeck. His character literally exists only to give Castlebeck someone to talk to. It’s the only role that I’ve ever seen Olyphant in that isn’t a super cool asshole. He plays the role well, but it really felt weird seeing him stay in the figurative shadows. They really missed the boat by not giving Olyphant a bigger/better role. The man was born for crime movies.
Robert Duvall (To Kill A Mockingbird), who is, in my opinion, one of America’s greatest actors, also appeared in this. To be fair, he was in 146 films, so he probably didn’t notice. He plays “Otto,” Nick’s old mentor who helps manage the heist.
Christopher Eccleston (28 Days Later) plays “Raymond Calitri,” the mob boss who wants the 50 stolen cars. He’s a really bad guy. We know this because we are told that several times, and because he has an English accent. At least he uses a Walther PPK, so I guess that’s cool. Honestly, he’s not good in this film. He just lacks the weight to play a fearsome bad guy.
Will Patton (Falling Skies) plays “Atley Jackson,” another of Nick’s former associates, who feels like he was written in to a late-stage script when someone realized that Nick’s character has no way to know some of the stuff he knows. Patton plays the role well enough, but there’s nothing here.
Chi McBride (Boston Public) plays “Astricky,” seemingly the only member of Nick’s old crew who actually wants to rejoin. He’s mostly played for laughs, but he’s honestly one of the better developed and more interesting characters.
Vinnie Jones (Every British crime movie) plays “Sphinx.” It’s Vinnie Jones playing the same role he always plays, but at least this time they don’t let him speak. There’s a whole gag that runs through the film where it is stated repeatedly that he can’t speak. He’s paired him up with some chatterbox punk, but it’s not done well enough to make it clever or funny. Then at the end, of course, he delivers an eloquent unprompted speech. It’s probably funny if you’re stoned. Anyway, he’s fine. I like Vinnie Jones in these roles, and he’s good, if out of place in this film.
James Duval (The teenage son from Independence Day) plays “Freb.” Clearly some dice-based mechanism was used to name these characters. Anyway, he plays one of Kip’s friends. There’s no reason for this character to exist, and the young actor certainly does nothing to make you remember him.
Francis Fisher (Unforgiven) plays “Junie,” Otto’s wife or girlfriend or something. She’s in one scene, and I don’t think she had any lines. I mention this because she’s a genuinely talented actress who is barely a step above an extra in this film. That’s borderline criminal.
Did you see that?
I’m not sure these guys know how to steal a car.
This is a movie about stealing cars. Unfortunately, the filmmakers seem unclear as to whether we’re supposed to think that stealing cars is a complicated, difficult task akin to an art form, or basic vandalism.
There are several scenes in which the crew goes to extreme lengths to show us the high-end technology and automotive skills that the thieves use.
They stalk potential victims, intercepting and cloning garage door opener frequencies so that they can enter a residential garage and steal a Chevy Suburban. You know, that car that there are ten of in the nearest grocery store parking lot, right now? Why did they need a three man team and a garage door opener cloning device?
Later, they get an inside man to order replica laser-cut transponder keys from Germany for three cars. They also know where these specific cars are. Aren’t the existing keys probably there, too?
Another time, they locate a Porsche that they need at a closed dealership. Giovanni Riblisi simply smashes the dealership window with a brick, takes the keys from a cabinet, and drives away. So, why aren’t they using that tactic more?
Early in the movie, the thieves maintain a list of the cars that they need to steal by writing the details on a garage wall in black light paint, so that when the cops raid the place, they can take the black light with them as they flee, and not reveal the list. Of course, they accidentally break the black light, which ultimately leads the police to them. I guess these techno-geniuses weren’t clever enough to think of using a sheet of paper that could have been easily pocketed or torn up,
Most of the cars are stolen and delivered without keys, so I guess that’s not a requirement for the job. These guys can “hack” the “DMV database” but they apparently don’t have access to a tow truck, which would have made many of the on-screen thefts trivial.
The entire film seems like a series of vignettes of what people who don’t know anything about stealing cars think would be a cool way to steal a car, and that don’t even make sense within the world of the movie. It’s all impossibly stupid. And loud. -Michael
At the end of the movie, the crew all celebrated with a grill out. They had the coolest grill. It was the front of a classic car and you lifted the hood to reveal the grill. I thought it was cool. -Sarah
What were Nick’s best parts?
There’s not a lot of good things to say about anything in this movie, but honestly, Nick’s acting is pretty OK throughout. It’s hard for me to pick a “best” scene, as few scenes are bad because of the acting, and none of the scenes are good for other reasons.
Since I made the rules, I have to pick, and I’ll go with the scene in which Nick tries to talk “Sway” into joining his crew while she works as a bartender. His delivery is clear and earnest, and he’s supposed to be annoyed by a bar customer who is trying to get a drink from “Sway.” Nick does a good job of showing that he is irritated, but also showing that he realizes that he is the one who is behaving in an abnormal way in the bar. It felt like a conversation real people might have. -Michael
I thought the scene at the end when Nick arrives 12 minutes late with the final car to be Nick’s best. He handled yelling at the bad guy with just the right amount of frustration and screaming. He was dealing with a totally unreasonable asshole after all. I mean, who would say they don’t want the final car to complete a multi-million dollar deal. In fact, they just completely destroy the car so we know he is totally choosing the option to completely screw himself, over being a businessman. Of course he dies anyway, so what does it really matter? -Sarah
What were Nick’s worst parts?
The worst example of an unnecessarily complicated car theft scheme is also Nick’s worst scene. In that scene, he appears at a Ferrari dealership, posing as a pretentious customer. He whines about how many new Ferraris he sees at Starbucks, and how everyone driving them is an asshole with too much money. Then, he asks the salesman for a specific, vintage Ferrari. The salesman tells him that he doesn’t have one, but that there’s one in the warehouse. Nick then asks, “what else is in the warehouse?” and the scene ends.
Nick is supposed to be pretending to be an eccentric rich person. Instead, he plays it like he’s a complete lunatic. He’s way over the top, and there’s no way anyone working at a Ferrari dealership would believe he’s looking to buy a car.
The worst part is that in later scenes, the crew scopes out the roof of the Ferrari warehouse, then later breaks in and drives away with four Ferraris (again, without keys). Are we to believe that the stupid dealership scene is where Nick figured out that they keep the Ferraris in the Ferrari warehouse? Or are we supposed to think that the car salesman gave Nick an inventory and the street address to a previously secret warehouse? Either scenario is beyond stupid.
The same story beats could have been accomplished by cutting Nick’s scene, and going to the scene in which two other members of the crew scope out the warehouse. One of them could have said to the other one, “When we hacked the DMV database, we found a bunch of rare super cars registered to this address. We think this is some rich guy’s collection.” That would be clearer and faster, and reduced the number of actors with speaking roles. It would also have been less stupid. -Michael
The worst scene was the one where Nick starts making out with Angelina while they wait for an opening to steal a car. They have to watch some yutz make out with his woman on the deck above where the car is parked. And they need him to go inside so they can take off. In the meantime, let’s show Angelina’s crotch with the gear stick coming up through her legs and have Nick act like he is no longer functioning normally. I did not need that scene. -Sarah
How was the movie?
Keen viewers will notice rapper Master P playing “Johnny B,” a gangster who wants to kill Nick for reasons that aren’t entirely clear. You’d be forgiven if you missed him, as this entire subplot, which includes a fistfight, multiple car explosions, a gunfight, and a car being ripped in half is covered in just three scenes.
You’d also be forgiven because Master P (who has 76 acting credits on IMDB) is uncredited. He’s a named antagonist who appears in multiple scenes and tries to kill the hero no less than three times, but he isn’t credited. I have to assume that this is because Master P realized that this movie wasn’t any good.
When it was released, this movie was absolutely trashed by critics. Unfortunately, it made $237 million dollars against a $100 million dollar budget at the box office. I can’t say that this movie started the trend of making dumb, loud movies that just exist as a framework for poorly thought out action scenes, and are populated by a dozen recognizable names, but it sure accelerated the trend. Movies like Gone in 60 Seconds are why they don’t make movies like It Could Happen To You anymore. -Michael
It was okay. It had enough mindless action and enough big names to be an okay flick, although forgettable. -Sarah
Yeah, but did you like it?
The director of this garbage has a career made up primarily of 90’s music videos. It shows. This movie is terrible. -Michael
I’ve never been a fan of the racing/driving fast movie genre. -Sarah
Where can I watch it?
You can rent it on Amazon Prime.
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