Moonstruck (1987)

What’s this all about?

Cher plays a widow whose name doesn’t matter. She agrees to marry a man that she doesn’t love; then almost immediately has sex with that man’s brother. Then a bunch of things that I feel like might be Italian-American stereotypes happen. Then there’s a very brief bit of hijinks, and everything works out in a way that’s somehow both unbelievably far-fetched, but also predictable.

Who is Nick in this one?

Nick plays Ronny Cammareri, the younger brother of Johnny Cammareri. Ronny is some kind of maniac baker opera fan amputee. You know the type.

Who else is in this one?

Cher plays a stereotype of a middle-aged Italian-American woman.

Olympia Dukakis plays a stereotype of an older Italian woman. She does it better than Cher does.

Danny Aiello plays a boring Italian-American man who no one likes.

Vincent Gardenia plays Cher’s dad, a cranky Italian-American.

Frasier Crane’s dad is in this one, too, but I honestly don’t know why.

Did you see that?

I’m cheating here. I’m going to talk about something that we all saw, but shouldn’t have. There’s a two part running gag in which John Mahoney (Frasier’s dad) sits in an Italian restaurant with a much younger woman, which ends each time with that woman (I’m not sure if it’s the same woman both times) throws a drink at him before storming out. He then orders a “glass of vodka.”

It’s a fairly funny bit, especially in this melodrama pretending to be a comedy.

Late in the movie, however, it gets turned into a subplot in which Olympia Dukakis eats dinner with Frasier’s dad, and gives him the wisdom of her age (Literally “Don’t shit where you eat.”). They walk home together, and he wants to have sex, but she sends him home alone.

This entire subplot is a boring waste of time that doesn’t move the plot or develop the characters.

This movie is honestly full of scenes like this that don’t need to be in the movie. It’s like they made the movie, then realized it was only 47 minutes long, so they shot a bunch of crap about plumbing, dogs, and grocery store accounting. -Michael

What were Nick’s best parts?

There’s a chaotic scene at the end of the movie in which the entire cast seems to have gathered in Olympia Dukakis’ kitchen to await the return of Danny Aiello. It’s full-on chaos as the screenwriter tries desperately to wrap up all of the meandering plot loose ends, and the characters are correspondingly frazzled. Except for Nick. He’s suddenly calm, polite, and well-mannered. 

The juxtaposition is well-played, and funny. -Michael

What were Nick’s worst parts?

In his introductory scene, Nick goes on an unhinged rant about how his brother ruined/stole his life. The story makes absolutely zero sense. Nick screams and yells like a moron, and dramatically threatens to kill himself. I feel like they were trying to establish a deep-seeded pathos for a character whose story basically boils down to, “I injured myself at work because I wasn’t paying attention, and I’ve decided to blame everyone else for it, and be a dick about it for the rest of my life.” 

This scene also dramatically establishes Nick’s character as an amputee, which causes him exactly zero problems for the rest of the film.

It’s a bad scene, badly acted. -Michael

How was the movie?

The movie really struggles to be a comedy. There are a handful of genuinely funny bits, but there are a lot of problems, too.

The age gap between Danny Aiello (54 in the film), Cher (41 in the film) and Cage (23 in the film) is just too much. Aiello and Cage are supposed to be brothers, for Christ’s sake.

The characters, in general, also lack clear motivation. Johnny wants to marry Cher, even though he doesn’t love/need/want her. Cher wants to marry Johnny even though she admits that she doesn’t love him. Donny loves Cher because she forced him to eat a rare steak. The moon is somehow involved, but that’s only explained (if at all) in Italian.

Maybe the filmmaker could have established that Aiello needs a woman to take care of him, as his doting mother is dying, and Cher is a convenient choice. How about Cher wanting to get married because she feels weird being a 41-year-old woman living in her parents’ house? Couldn’t Donny have wanted to seduce Cher to stick it to his brother, on whom he blames his own failed engagement, and then he genuinely develops feelings for her? Perhaps Olympia Dukakis’ microwave could be broken, and that’s why she goes out to dinner with Frasier’s dad.

I don’t know. These bushes are all beaten around, but never really established.

As it is, the movie just feels like a bunch of people racing through scenes, who are unaware and uninterested in their own motivations, all trying to out “goomba” each other. It makes me not care about any of it.


Also, there’s not nearly enough “comedy” in this “romantic comedy.” -Michael

Yeah, but did you like it?

Not so much. It felt like a rough draft of a Hallmark movie with better actors, but not better acting. I didn’t hate it, and I’d watch it again, if Hallmark went out of business or something. -Michael 

Where can I watch it?

It’s free on both Tubi and the Roku Channel.


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