What’s this all about?
The Boy in Blue is a biopic about that famous all-American sportsman, Ned Hanlan. What’s that? You’ve never heard of him? America’s most famous sculler? Yeah. Me neither.
The movie goes to great lengths to remind the viewer that sculling (where grown men race rowboats on a river) was super duper popular before baseball and other good sports were invented.
If this film is to be believed, Ned rose to singular fame through the blind, dumb luck of being the first guy to use a boat with a sliding seat, allowing him to use the strength of his legs to row. No, he didn’t invent, or design the boat. He just rented it from the actual designer because he arrived at a boat race without a boat, which seems like a pretty serious oversight.
Who is Nick in this one?
Nick Plays “Ned Hanlan,” an old-timey, bootlegging rube, who fought and screwed his way around New England before being tricked into competitive boat rowing by a guy in a straw hat.
Nick plays Ned as something of a slack-jawed idiot, which must have been intentional, as we’ve seen Nick play several other kinds of idiots in prior films.
The character isn’t really likable or relatable, but the “bad guys” are so cartoonish that I guess you could see him as a hero.
Who else is in this one?
Christopher Plummer plays a live action Snidely Whiplash, who wins bets on boat races by poisoning people, paying goons to beat them up in dark alleys, and wearing a top hat with his handlebar mustache. For some reason, he’s a well-respected member of society.
David Naughton, “star” of “classics” like Midnight Madness and Hot Dog..The Movie plays Ned’s best friend/enemy.
Melody Anderson (Dale from Flash Gordon) makes an appearance as Ned’s girlfriend/his buddy’s wife.
Did you see that?
In an early scene, Ned is “fornicating” with his girlfriend (in his own home). The cops, apparently on fornication patrol, break down the door. Ned brings his girlfriend to a timely, if clumsy climax, and then jumps out of a window into a nearby body of water. Bill (Naughton) is conveniently waiting in a row boat, and takes Ned to a passing steamboat, which in turn, carries him to his first competitive boat race, where he even-more-conveniently finds the technologically advanced boat that allows him to beat everyone else.
It is later revealed that all of this was part of a carefully-laid plan by Bill to trick Ned into competing. I’ll bet timing that police raid/steamboat/rowboat race/female orgasm was a real pain.
That’s the level of cartoonish stupidity we get in this film which does not bill itself as a comedy.
If you shot that sequence with Don Knotts in the place of Nicolas Cage, you might have the funniest scene ever filmed. As it is, though, it’s just borderline nonsense. -Michael
Previous to Nick’s love making interruptus scene, he was out rum-running and the keystone cop brigade caught him. He was able to jump into his row boat to get away. Unfortunately, his boat was still tied up, so the cops started to pull him back ashore. He managed to cut the rope and jump back into the knee deep water to push off again somehow without the cops nabbing him, only to have a cop in a different row boat to paddle up from behind. Realizing the cop was there, Nic flung his arm in the general direction of the row boat cop and some how, magically, tipped the cop’s boat over while still being at least 15 feet away. This obviously angered the cops and is why they felt the need to hunt him down during his sexy time. – Sarah
What were Nick’s best parts?
Nick manages to portray an uneducated dullard pretty well throughout the movie. There are several scenes in which Nick is working out in preparation for a race. It’s worth mentioning that Nick is in great shape for this movie. I don’t typically think of Nicolas Cage as a big, muscular guy, but he pulls it off, here. That must have taken a ton of work. -Michael
Nick did portray a very believable clueless asshole for the entire movie. I think his best scenes were the rowing competition ones. While he was clearly not on a real boat, but in front of a blue screen for most of them, his exertion and fatigue was spot on. – Sarah
What were Nick’s worst parts?
There’s a tacked-on romantic subplot between Ned and Snidely Whiplash’s homely niece that serves no real purpose. At one point, the niece is engaged to marry some other guy, and Ned runs along beside the car that she’s in (with her fiance) screaming at her not to marry the other guy. He jumps on the car’s running boards before being knocked off and pretending to be injured. The whole scene is a mess, and Nick spends it jumping around like an idiot. -Michael
Agreed. Definitely the worst scene. – Sarah
How was the movie?
This movie felt like somebody tried to make a Mel Brooks-style parody of sports biography films, but forgot that they needed to put in jokes. There’s all kinds of weirdness, like uniformed marching bands marching around and playing at an impromptu sporting event, and men doing strenuous sports exercise in full woolen outfits. I’m not sure if it was the sensibilities of the 1900’s when the movie was set, or the 1980’s, when the movie was made that are to blame, but it feels like a cheap cartoon. -Michael
Michael is not wrong, but it’s not anywhere close to the worst movie we’ve seen. It’s got a recognizable plot and is decently acted. – Sarah
Yeah, but did you like it?
This movie wasn’t the worst one in Cage’s filmography so far by a long shot. It isn’t good, but it might be bad enough to be funny. -Michael
I can’t recommend it, but I didn’t hate it either. – Sarah
Where can I watch it?
Nobody is currently streaming this. That’s probably for the best.
Leave a Reply